The Journey to Self-Awareness
It’s a strange concept, knowing oneself. You almost have to imagine you’re a character in a novel or film to become aware of yourself as, well, you, but then of course you run the risk of seeing yourself from the perspective of others, through their eyes rather than your own. I think that’s probably what I’ve been doing for much of my life. Always considering what others think of me, how they will judge me, what they would tell their friends about me, and on reflection it’s a pretty narcissistic way to move through life (though knowing this doesn’t make it any easier to get out of the habit).
This past year in particular, I have been moving through a journey to know myself through my own eyes, actively seeking to drop the expectations of others. It has been - and continues to be - a process of observation, transition and alignment. In today’s post I thought I’d share a few observations on the journey so far.
My energy levels are influenced by many things, but mainly the lunar cycle, my menstrual cycle, how much sleep I’ve had, and the weather. In a way I always knew this, but precisely how they influence was for a long time beyond my grasp. Now I know that after one night of fractured sleep, my energy levels are pretty much the same, but any more than that and I struggle. I also know that I sleep poorly around the time of the full moon, and in the luteal/autumn stage of my menstrual cycle. I can surge ahead and get lots of tasks done during the waxing moon and the follicular/spring stage of my cycle, but once everything begins to wane, so too do my energy levels. There’s more - so much more - but the key thing to point out here is that this is an ever-evolving process. I will never be ‘done’ because our lives and cycles and energy patterns ebb and flow each year, so while I can build up a picture, I need to be constantly observing to be able to align my tasks and approach accordingly.
I need to listen to my body. I’ve just shifted into the luteal/autumn stage of my cycle, the moon is waning, and the year is falling too (we are now in mid-autumn) - all of these combined create an atmosphere of low energy and all I want to do is sit in front of the fire and take things slowly. Instead of pushing myself to record a workshop, which is top of my to-do list, I’ve shifted some things around and am instead sat on the sofa writing this post. Giving myself permission to do this and listening to what I need right now is incredibly powerful. I’m still working, I’m still doing things on my list, but I’m choosing to do them at a time that aligns with my energy flow.
It’s easy to get lost. There are so many different factors to consider, so many different people out there saying… you must do it this way… follow this exact blueprint… I have the answers for you… It can all be very tempting, but ultimately you are the only one who can make this journey, you are the only one who knows the route. Of course, we all need a little support along the way - for me this has come in the form of being a member of certain communities, taking courses, reading books and so on - but these have all merely been guides, and I’ve steered clear from anything or anyone that has tried to lead me down their own path. To journey towards self-awareness requires a focus on the self, and it’s so important to retain this as others cross your path.
I’d love to hear from you if you’re on a similar journey, or if you feel the call to begin. Let me know by emailing contact@creativecountryside.com